So What

It's Friday and we're closing in on the last weekend in June. School's out and summer feels like it can finally begin. So what if I spent the entire month indoors, planted on a rickety old recliner long shredded by the cats. That's about to change and soon. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Soon, it will be better and I will be back outside doing what I do even if I'm shuffling along with a walker. So what. I don't care as long as I can be out in the fresh air again.


The garden, largely neglected since mid-May has graciously granted us another grudge-free season. Those little plant starts I buried hastily the day before my surgery provided us with beautiful greens at dinner last night. Sure, the asparagus bolted early and the strawberries are so weedy we can't see the fruit, but so what. There is chard, kale and peas and it's all ready to eat right now. And that silly impulse buy at Wegmans? That hanging basket with the spindly cherry tomato plant in it? Well it's full and lush, and loaded with fruit which has just started to ripen. What about the climbing rose that has taken up residence in the pot along with the tomatoes you say? To that I say so what.

Next Tuesday

On Tuesday at 4:30pm this blasted cast comes off!

HAPPY DANCE!

I can't begin to express how grateful I am for the many friends who helped get us through this ordeal. They are true friends indeed. They are the ones who showed up that first week with heaping plates of delicious food and offers of help in any way. They baked, grilled, ordered take out and made soup. They checked in regularly and even showed up out of the blue just to say hi. They brought flowers, chocolate, comfort and good wishes. They were the ones, who on hearing our convoluted plans for getting me from here to there and back, simply said STOP. I will take care of this for you. 

And though I knew it wasn't really true, they told me I looked good and said over and over and over again that it would get better. And in fact they were right...at least about the getting better part!

Sitting here in peacefulness of the early morning and pondering an inspiring message I received from a former student yesterday. 

Life is much too short to associate with people who bring you down in any way. I think one of the hardest things to do in life is to burn a bridge you thought you'd be walking across forever; a bridge to a person or group of people you thought you knew. 

Love yourself enough to refuse to be taken for granted. Do what is best for you, and give only of yourself to those who are grateful.

Still learning from these amazing kids after all these years. 

Summer Solstice. Time to make a wreath of flowers, light a bonfire and cast away our cares and woes. Time to breathe new life into our deepest hopes, dreams and intentions. Happy Solstice. May your cares be few. May your bounty be great.

May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you, guide your way on.

 

Eight years ago today we we spent a soggy morning trying to keep a stiff upper lip about the impending rain. Then the sun came out and has been shining on us ever since. I don't know where I'd be today without this extraordinary man by my side.

Higher Ground

Yesterday a massive summer storm came through and ravaged our sweet little slice of heaven. We were among the lucky ones. A little water in the basement, a few small limbs in the yard and nothing else. Our neighbors not so much. It rained for only ten or fifteen minutes, but it came down so heavily that none of the little creeks could keep up. Before we knew it the culverts began to give way, roads started to wash out and wild rivers of water started gushing down hill, across roadways and straight into homes, barns, businesses and lives. We are so grateful to live on higher ground.

Gotta Go

If I ever write a memoir based on my experience living life on one leg it will be titled Don't Wait to Pee.  I'm sure we're looking at a best seller here folks. And in case you're wondering, this is the best advice you'll ever receive when dealing with a non-weight-bearing injury.

Last night as I getting into bed I kicked K smack in the forehead with my cast while he was trying to straighten out the comforters. 


Fortunately, it didn't bruise...even more fortunately, we spent the next thirty minutes doubled over laughing about it.

This morning as I was getting up, I texted K my usual good morning, sweetie message, "Gotta pee". I know, so romantic. Unfortunately in my groggy haze I sent it to a friend instead. Good thing she has a sense of humor too. 

I'm just about to enter the fifth week of cast confinement. Happy to report we're still able to laugh.

A Feeling

Every now and then a feeling of peace so profound washes over me and then I remember why

OK

It is the fourth week since my surgery. I had no idea what the recuperation would be like, how much it would hurt, how long it would take to start feeling human again and what a toll it would take on us emotionally. 

I have learned so much from this experience and the most profound thing to date is this: My body dictates what happens next. Today it's saying not ready, not yet. And this my friends is in fact NOT failure. Instead it is authentic self-care and I am OK with that.

Onward, upward and holding fast to this truth

Saving Spring

Well folks, I'm happy to report I made it to Monday intact, having turned a sad weekend into a lovely one.

We are looking at some serious thunderstorms headed our way and thanks to my ever-devoted sweetie, the peony bushes have been shorn and that last little bit of Springtime has been saved and brought indoors. 

Today marks the fourth week since surgery and though I've decided against making lists of all the things I'll do once I'm freed of this temporary confinement, I can't help but look forward to a few things:

• Taking a shower. As in upstairs in the real shower, with water coming out of the shower head and pouring all over every single inch of me. 

• Wearing more than one outfit. Yes, I know I'm a little prone to wearing a "uniform", but since the surgery it's gotten a little worse. That favorite pink shirt and those jean capris with the cuffs? That's what you'll see me each and every time I leave the house, and frankly, I'm grateful my uber limited wardrobe still fits...all this sitting and pity-party-eating isn't without consequences.

• Wearing more than one pair of shoes. I have worn the same pair of Dansko clogs every day now for almost two year because they are the only shoes which don't hurt my feet. Enough said.

• Driving and being able to go anywhere and anytime I want. Even if it's Wegmans on a Friday afternoon to do the big shop or up to the NE side of town to pick up bubble during rush hour or back to Staples for the third time in a day because no one noticed we were out of packing tape.

• Being outside on the porch 'til well after dark, listening to the summer sounds, drinking a glass or two of ice cold Finger Lakes Reisling with my sweetie and talking about plans and dreams. 

And last, but certainly not least...

• Being able to walk. Don't ever take it for granted peeps. It sucks so much when you can't and I hope you never have to experience it yourselves.

The Agenda

I am definitely making lemonade outta some sour lemons today.

I've never been good at listening to my body. Feeling full and leaving all that delicious food on the plate? No way. I'm a Clean Plate Club kinda gal. Tired and sore and achy? No way I'm not waking up at 4am to get myself to that fabulous tag sale. Headache, runny nose, coughing my fool head off? No way that newsletter, FB post or blog post isn't getting finished.

So this week I listened. 

I slept when I was tired, ate when I was hungry and finally called the doctor when that blasted nerve pain inside my cast became unbearable and wouldn't go away. K had the script filled, I swallowed the pill and surprise, surprise...I feel better. The hard part? Conceding this morning that I'm not really ready to spend two hours in the car today in order to be at a FABULOUS auction. And yes I know. There will be many more auctions, there will be plenty of summer left when the cast is removed and I am getting better every day. It's just that I'm not always the amazing super healing gal I think I am all the time. 

Ok body of mine...you get to set the agenda. And yes, when it's time to really make that lemonade, you can bet it'll be spiked heavily with champagne.

Smarter

It's two and a half weeks since my surgery and though I didn't believe K when he told me this, things have definitely gotten better. Normal has been redefined and routines have been re-routed. I am self-sufficient at home and am almost completely pain-free on days when I don't over do it. 

I am smarter too, and here's what I've learned from living life on one foot:

• NWB does not mean No Way Baby. It means non-weight bearing, as in not even touching the ground, EVER. 

• Moving the bed downstairs remains the best decision we ever made, next to getting a bedside potty (sorry, TMI).

• Bed wedges are over-priced and over-rated.

• Before getting help moving from one place to another, be sure you've made eye contact with the person helping you. 

• Fear of falling never goes away. 

• Falling directly on the cast hurts like hell, but doesn’t seem to be the end of the world (at least to the doctors). 

•  My incision will look “beautiful” to every single nurse who looks at it. No matter how bruised, swollen and angry red it is, they all think it is a thing of beauty to behold. 

• It will get better. It does get better and sitting all day every day is not the worst thing to happen to a person.

If you are fortunate as I am, you will see a side of your spouse that makes you fall in love with them over and over again, each and every day. There is no end to K's kindness, patience, wisdom, strength and devotion. I do not know how I will ever repay such kindness in my lifetime, but I aim to try.

Roadblock

Oh don't mind me, would you like to get by?

Wouldn't you rather play with me?

 or admire how handsome I am

Look, it's my best side...

 OK, never mind...

Big Blue

Cast 2.0 is bigger, more roomy and blue. 

I have my basic mobility back now. 

I will never take for granted the ability to walk. 

Never. 

Ever.