Foraging

We're starting the third month of our new way of eating and things are going well. We're each down two sizes and we feel great inside and out. This is good. BUT man oh man oh man is my mouth ever ready for a cookie or something flaky made from wheat and loaded with fat and sugar. Even writing those words makes my mouth water.

This month we ate our pantry down to the nubs by running out of meat, eggs, cheese and nuts before I could get to Wegmans. Running out of the first three things on the list isn't a big deal, but running out of nuts? That's tantamount to running out of gas on a busy highway with no place to pull over. It meant I had no crunchy snacks and nothing to satisfy the need for something salty and quick.

In the face of such trauma I did what I've done before. I went foraging. And then, there they were. Those neatly packaged little treats with the word chocolate and crunch in the title. Those "I'm not so bad for you really" cookies put out by Medifast that a well meaning friend shoved in my pocket at the July FLEA. I should've thrown 'em out immediately or at least tried to pawn them off on someone else, but NO, I kept them and of course I remembered exactly where they were when I felt desperate for a snack and just couldn't stand the sight, taste or mouth-feel of more meat and greens. "Thirteen carbs, that's all", I told myself. "It won't matter in the long run" and "I've been so good for so long" I whined to Ken. And then I remembered those deviled eggs in the frig and suddenly I was ok again. 

If only willpower burned calories. If only.

Job Security

After years in academia I found myself holding fast to the belief that I was protected in my job. What with tenure and our all-powerful, father-figure dean to look after us, what could possibly go wrong, right? Deep down I knew this wasn't true, but some how any sense of security, even if it was false, was better than none. So, on went the blinders and away I went.

It's all about boundaries. I know that. 

But it's not just about how much to let in through those boundaries. It's also about how much to give away. I mean, come on. How many times can I get caught in the trap of thinking everyone is my friend. I'm fifty seven years old for god's sake! I see a smiling face, hear a comforting phrase or two and before I know it, I've said too much. Then to my complete amazement, every detail breathed in confidence, is repeated as soon as I've left the room and before I know it, there it is again being repeated right back at me. It's amazing. Truly.

So today I'm re-thinking the definition of CAUTION. 

The dictionary makes it seem so benign: CAUTION is the care taken to avoid danger or mistakes. It is a careful attitude or way of behaving. 

Is caution an aspect of good old fashioned common sense? Can it be an offensive maneuver rather than a defensive stance? Can caution be a boundary that looks more like a curb and less like a wall between me and the rest of the world? Can it act more like a fence with a gate that is opened and closed when the time is right?

 

I haven't a clue, but I aim to find out.

Parallel Lives

I feel like I'm living in parallel universes these days...

Getting ready for summer

and Christmas all in the same day!

 Here's to being the world's oldest girl scout!

Spinning

It's Sunday, fun-day, catch your breath day. 

 

A day for making food, making plans, spinning dreams and getting a few thoughts in order and down on paper. A day for reading, researching and rethinking. With the season's transition also comes thoughts about winter and beyond.

Incubating, ruminating, meditating.

 

A day for unearthing and trusting instincts...

Perfect

Soaking up the last of the summer sun and the first of the autumn colors today. 

It's going to be picture perfect fall weather all week.

I can imagine no place more beautiful than where I am at this very moment.

Sage

Last night I reread Anna Quindlen's Short Guide to A Happy Life. I've lost count of how many times I've turned the pages of this amazing little book. As her website says, it is a treasure of a book. I couldn't agree more. It's a quick read and I always come away with something that resonates with me and seems perfect for the moment.

Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work.

 

I show up. I listen. I try to laugh.

 

 

You are the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. 

 

Sage and timely advice.

Good and Gentle Care

It is the day after FLEA-MAGEDDON and we are feelin' it. 

It was a spectacular day on all fronts, not the least being the fact that the doom and gloom predictions of heavy rain, strong winds and hail never materialized while we were on the lot. And when the heavens did finally open up (and boy did they ever), we were unpacked, safe at home, all showered and jammied, with two big steaks on the grill. 

 

Yay for foresight and meal planning.

It's been almost three months since we decided to try and break the cycle of sugar addiction in our household. I don't want to jinx it, but I do believe that the cycle has finally been broken. Yes, the cravings still pop up in one form or another but I've made a few changes that support me, like getting all the temptations out of the house and unfollowing every single Pinterest food board that some how or another made it in my news feed. The Pinterest thing may sound pretty benign, but when your computer screen suddenly becomes filled with images of food porn, it's downright excruciating.

So we've cut out sugar, wheat and all grains, and are eating very low-carb these days. 

We've each lost around fifteen pounds, but the biggest benefit from all these changes is in how much less pain we're experiencing overall, how little pain meds we need on a daily basis and how even and lovely we feel emotionally. 

Sugar is a delicious and deceptive demon.

Food issues have plagued me for pretty much my entire life, so it is little surprise that my Day-After-The-FLEA recovery routine centers around cooking and eating. 

There is savory and comforting chicken soup on the stove, and mashed cauliflower, creamed spinach and leftover rib-eyes in the frig from last night's dinner. 

And last week I finally figured out a way to avoid cooking breakfast every day! It's a breakfast casserole that's delicious, keeps for an entire week and gives us a big heaping serving of greens too.


Here's my recipe:

Egg, Cheese, Bacon and Chard Breakfast Casserole

Turn the oven on to 350, grease a 9x12 baking pan and get cracking.

Break eight large eggs into a big bowl, pour in a splash of cream or milk, a good dash of chipotle powder or red pepper flakes and more black pepper than you think is necessary. Whisk it all up.

Cook up the breakfast meat of your choice. I use bacon ever since I discovered that the Piggery offers bacon ends at a fraction of the cost of a pound of sliced bacon.

Chop and saute one whole sweet onion and two big cloves of garlic in a little butter or the leftover bacon fat. Cool the onions and bacon on a plate in the frig.

Chop six or seven big chard leaves into small pieces (compost the stems or tough veins). Add to the egg mixture (yes, put it in raw), along with the meat, garlic and onion mixture, and about a cup of grated cheese. I like a combination or Pepper Jack, Asagio and sharp NYS cheddar. 

Pour it all into the baking pan and check it after 20 minutes. It's done when the center is firm.

Taking good and gentle care today and every day.

Cure-all

 Nature cures what ails me.

 Staying in my lane...

Showing Up

 I realize a few things more clearly today than yesterday.

It's not them, it's me. 

“Nothing external to you has any power over you.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Show up. Pay attention. Don't be attached to the outcome.

Subtle and Not So

The subtle hints of fall are becoming more obvious these days...

The garden and the weeds are setting seeds

 and the hills are gearing up for their big show.

I have a feeling it's going to be spectacular this year. 

I wish the view and the scenery were more soothing to me now. I'm weary from having spent way too much time lately trying to drown out the crazies. And no, those aren't the voices in my head. They are the folks who no matter what, always seem to choose the most complicated route from here to there. They are the folks who dither over the simplest of decisions and always have such clear and amazing insights after the fact.

I wish it I could just blow them off. Ignoring them only encourages them. Trying to reason with them is an invitation for them to talk over me. So my mantra for today is Stay in your lane. Keep your eyes on the road, look in your mirrors to be sure those crazies don't careen into you and just keep moving forward. There. Done. Happy peaceful Thursday everyone!

Confessions

I'm an introvert, a bit of a people pleaser and a die hard Virgo, which means I like to work alone, I like things done right the first time and I often end up doing everything that needs to be done. 

I can't help myself. When I see something which needs doing, I do it. I love detail and am fascinated by minutia. I am rarely bored, don't tolerate laziness and when I commit to something I'm in it for the long haul. 

There really should be a self-help, twelve step program for folks like us.

Lately I've been wondering if it would be possible to take a little break from all these things and experience life from the other side. I wonder daily what it would be like to simply walk past something that needs doing and just keep going. To leave the bed unmade, a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and the clean laundry in the basket. 

Is it possible to practice mindfulness and still be on top of things without spending so much time planning for the future? That is the question. In the meantime, I guess I'll return to my outdoor office and continue getting ready for the FOUND FLEA on Sunday.

Still Standing

We've just had a whirlwind week with City Market this past Sunday and the FOUND FLEA coming up on the 21st. 

The good news? We're still standing, we had a great time at City Market, sold a lot of stuff AND we're organized and ready for the FOUND FLEA!

The fall has been beautiful here with clear sunny days and two-comforter nights, and yesterday was perfect for painting and shooting photos outside for eBay. 

It was one of those days I used to pine away for when I was still teaching - an entire day spent outdoors, doing what I love, at home, reveling in peace, solitude and quiet, alone with my thoughts. So grateful.

Day After

Enjoying a quiet, peaceful and slow day-after-birthday today. Preparing for the City Market on Sunday, updating the FOUND website with current photos and letting all the birthday love sink in.

Taking James' lead today and basking in the sun.

A Good Day

It's my birthday and I'll do what I want to, do what I want to, do what I want to...

I'm spending the day sitting under a cat or two, watching the kittens wrestle and play, roasting up garden tomatoes for winter, cooking food for later in the week and tending to ordinary stuff around the house. It is peaceful and quiet. There are no appointments save for the dinner date with my sweetie and a planned expedition into town for cupcakes. There have been cards and gifts, and lots of well wishes. I am one year wiser, one year more experienced, one year more blessed and loved than ever before. It is a good day.

Dear Kathy

So, I'll be honest here, I've been having trouble completing the Facebook positivity challenge ever since I received this post on my last entry: God why on earth do a positivity challenge oh. I'm going to die next month. Please don't plan on asking me to play any more chamber music.

This is how I heard the news that my dear friend Kathy is dying, and dying soon. She's dealing with it in typical Kathy fashion - with full disclosure and transparency, and a heaping helping of her signature sharp wit. Amazingly, she finds it all just a little ridiculous that we are sad she'll be leaving us soon. In a message last night, she wrote,  Don't you wish you knew your expiration date? No. In fact, I don't. I'm too busy living to think about that.

Kathy beat cancer three times and she says for the past ten years she's been living on borrowed time. Those years have seen trips to Europe, performances with her idols, Mannheim Steamroller, huge successes with her publications and finally retirement from a teaching post where sadly she was under appreciated and frankly, often mistreated. 

Kathy was one of only a handful of bright spots in a three year stint I did teaching at a university in Colorado, where on a good day it was a dysfunctional school run by an arrogant, ignorant and incompetent dean. I knew I was in trouble the first week when I was  advised by a "colleague" that in order to get "anywhere" I'd need to start hanging around the "right people". Oh yeah, and while I was at it I would need to rethink my wardrobe and start wearing makeup too. 

It was some of the most difficult years of my life and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Thankfully, Kathy kept me sane, kept me laughing and some how helped me keep it all in perspective. Even after the dean and some old fart colleague of hers tried to get her demoted for not using "the right" handouts in her theory classes, she held her head high, kept on laughing, ignored them and just simply kept going. 

Kathy is one of the most brilliant minds I've ever known. She has an ear so keen, I swear she hears the grass grow. She is so full of joy and love that it bubbles out of every inch of her and I cannot imagine the world without her in it.

May your journey be a peaceful one, dear Kathy. I am better person for knowing you.

Earworms

I really should be working but it is the day after a loooooooong day on the concrete floor at FOUND and truth be told, I'm beat.

Taking a day off is one of the hardest things for me to do now that I'm self-employed, especially since the "I really should be practicing" tape has been replaced by the "I really should be painting, fixing, listing, tagging or something productive to move the business forward" loop. And what an earworm this is.

So instead of finishing up the listings I started, here I am scrolling through photos to post, thinking about the things I'm grateful for and sipping the best iced coffee ever. I've gotta say, I am immensely grateful for this life of mine, even though sometimes I feel held hostage by my own Virgo-ness. Think I'll give in, chalk it all up to astrology and maybe take Pippa's lead and go for a nap.

But first, here's day four of my positivity challenge.

On this hot steamy summer day I'm grateful for AC at home, the ice in my coffee and my home office which has the best views one could ever ask for and in all seasons.

Three Things Day Three

It's day three of my five day positivity challenge.

I'm grateful for the first glimpse of fall color on the distant hills. For the far off smell of wood smoke in the air and the foggy mornings. 

I'm grateful for old, well-loved down comforters at night.

I'm grateful for the automatic timer on the coffee maker and the delivery of it to my bedside in the morning.

Three Things, Day Two

It's day two of my positivity challenge.

I am grateful for my two beautiful and amazing step daughters Amanda and Lexi, who I love to the moon and back. They enrich my life more than they'll ever know.

I am eternally grateful for my parents, who impressed on me the idea that no job is worth doing half way, and encouraged me to choose to do what I love and what makes me happy. 

I am grateful to live in the beautiful rural hills of Newfield surrounded by nature and beauty.

To make a home in this sweet old farmhouse. To be here now.

Three Things

I accepted the Facebook gratitude challenge from my friend Katy Heine and decided to post it here as well. There is much to be thankful for.


1) As the Patron Saint of Late Bloomers, I am eternally grateful to have found my sweetie so late in life. Grateful for his constant support, unending encouragement and deep and abiding love.

2) I am grateful to have had the chance to put my blinker on, change lanes and move into a whole new career while there's still time to develop and grow in it.

3) I am grateful for our community of friends, who's love for us never wavers despite the fact that we often "disappear" for months at a time.

Labor

It's the first day of September and summer is quickly melting away. 

 

It's Virgo time. 

I love the transition into Fall. That feeling of newness that I had at the start of the school year is still in me. I'm enjoying the awareness of it even though it's not a vital part of my life any more. I think I'll declare this day a great big fresh start, full of so many possibilities, anticipation and excitement. Time to settle in, get serious and get some real learning done. 

 

We are home from a big buying trip and the journey was fruitful on all accounts.  We learned so much, labored mightily loading and unloading, and had a ton of fun. As always though, it good to be home.

I love car trips. They are often some of my favorite times spent with K. Held captive in the car, we often work out long term plans and bounce all kinds of wacky business ideas off each other. 

It feels and smells like Fall in our little corner of the world and my body knows this season better than any. Time to hunker down and close ranks a a wee little bit. 

Time to get to work. Time to switch out the menu,  get a chicken roasting and make a pot of strong black tea. It is Labor Day and there is work to do.