Early

I know it's eerily early but I'll take it none the less.

Welcome Spring. Hello new beginnings.

Complete

I've been unable to play the viola for 18 months. It's been one of the most deeply painful things I've ever endured. It has also been the impetus for some profound life lessons.

I'm not always the boss
Not being able to play because of an injury is a very one-sided proposition. You have absolutely no choice in the matter - you're just simply down for the count. It could last a few weeks, a few months or could be forever.

I refuse to be defined by my limitations
I'll be the first to admit that in the beginning it was pretty liberating. All that time I used to spend practicing and rehearsing? Sure, I can find endless ways to fill it up. No performances? No problem, I'll take less stress and anxiety in my daily life. No rehearsal drama and overblown egos to deal with? For sure, that can just stay gone forever. Sadly, when the liberation wore off something far less pleasant set in. A deep hole-in-your-heart sadness and an almost unbearable grief. I couldn't think about or listen to music, especially pieces I loved and had played before. I couldn't sit through concerts without becoming emotional. After navigating through this particularly prickly phase I've discovered that I am still very much a musician even if I can't play.

It's not about being perfect

In the months since I'd stopped playing we stopped going to music gatherings. Last night we ventured back and I even came with instrument in hand. After a while, I timidly joined the circle and began quietly playing along. After a bit someone requested some Bach. I offered up a pretty crusty version and made up more than a few notes, but some how I got through it.

And then there was silence.

I looked down at Ken and saw him wipe a few tears from his eyes. I noticed that others in the room were doing the same. Honestly I had no idea my musical voice could be missed and treasured in this way. Really, I'm not being maudlin or self-effacing. I just didn't know.

Keep calm and carry on

I'm pretty sure I won't be returning to professional performing. My body's made it pretty clear we're done with all that. What I do know is that I'll definitely find a way to make music for the sheer joy of it and that's all that really matters to me right now. It's good to be back in this small way. To hold the instrument in my hands, to laugh and sing with it, to harmonize and improvise.

I'd say my healing from this whole injury thing is just about complete.

Plan B

The is the first spring break in a looooong time where it actually feels like spring - for real. No kidding around, this is the real deal. And if the forecast is correct we'll move right into summer next week - 82 degrees is forecast one week from tomorrow.

We heard the first peepers tonight, had a pre-dinner glass of wine on the patio and kept the windows open until well after the sun went down. Robins, house pinches and English sparrows are all scouting nest locations and the rhubarb is up. As usual I had high hopes for getting all kinds of stuff done during the break. Instead I've mostly managed to make progress decreasing my substantial sleep deficit. Normally I'd feel a little guilty about this. Instead I'm choosing to focus on the positive side.

I've made one big orange tabby cat very happy,

and made a good investment in my sanity.

School Canceled Due To Weather

You know it's a sad state of affairs when the only days off you get are days where you stay home to nurse a cold. Ah well, at least I had the good sense to stay home on a day when the temp hit 62, the sky was cloudless and the air warm. I've got a few windows are open. Is that dirt I smell?
The birds are waking up and so are the woods.The snow is gone except for the teeniest tiniest patches. My hiking legs are pudgy, I'm out of shape and wobbly, but I am determined to make it up the logging road and on to the ridge around our house. The last of the winter food has been eaten...Wait, what...what was that you said?
That the temp is going to hit 35 tomorrow if we're lucky....
Spoilsport. I'll take all the spring I can get this time of year.

Worth It

March is here. It came in with a roar in the form of high winds and thunder.

On Wednesday it'll be in the 60's.

I spied winter aconite in bloom last week and our rhodies are getting ready.
Spring is definitely on the way.

We spent this past weekend at auction and among the more interesting things we saw was this Harley complete with hook'em horns attached to the front. Try as i might, I just couldn't get Ken to hop on and take it for a spin...

This auction had the most interesting array of attendees ever. The Harley guys and the tool guys were there milling around trying to look comfy out in the frigid air. And then there were the pasty white antique dealer types all huddled around the snack bar snarfing sloppy joes, swilling mediocre coffee and writing obsessively in their little notepads.

It was totally worth the trip.